Be Happy, 10 Things to Stop Right Now


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Sometimes, the real route to happiness depends more on what you don’t do.
Happiness– in your business life and your personal life– is often a matter of subtraction, and not addition. Consider these for example and see what happens when you Stop doing the following 10 things:


1. Blaming

People make mistakes. Employees won’t meet your expectations. Vendors won’t deliver on time.blame
So you blame them for your problems. But you’re also to be blamed. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.

Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic, it’s empowering-because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time. And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.


2. Impressing

impressNo one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things; but that doesn’t mean they like you.

Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.

Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.


3. Clinging

When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly clinggood for you. An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness: It’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.

Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will. Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.


4. Interrupting

interruptInterrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”

Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say. They’ll love you for it–and you’ll love how that makes you feel.


5. Whining

Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not whinebetter. If something is wrong, don’t waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you’ll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.

Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself. And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don’t just be the shoulder they cry on.

Friends don’t let friends whine–friends help friends make their lives better.


6. Controlling

controlYeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.

Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.

Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure–none of those let you feel good about yourself.

Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships. And all of you will be happier.


7. Criticizing

Yeah, you’re more educated. Yeah, you’re more experienced. Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and criticizeclimbed more mountains and slayed more dragons. That doesn’t make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.

That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you. Just like everyone else–including your employees.

Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you’ll see people–and yourself–in a better light.


8. Preaching

preachCriticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.

The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything–and to tell people everything you think you know.

When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.


9. Dwelling

The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others. Then let it go.dwell

Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding. In return, you will be happy. Try it!

The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.


10. Fearing

fearWe’re all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.

So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives. Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by. And so do our dreams.

Don’t let your fears hold you back. Whatever you’ve been planning, whatever you’ve imagined, whatever you’ve dreamed of, get started on it today.

If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.

Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything, that will make you happy.

Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever. Today is the most precious asset you own–and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.


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8 comments on “Be Happy, 10 Things to Stop Right Now
  1. Debbie Ruston on said:

    Many people believe they will be happy “when” something happens. True happiness is not when the destination is hit. Those that are truly happy have learned to enjoy the journey, enjoy every day, being grateful in the moment for everything, not sweating the small stuff, being solution oriented, etc. Those that understand this are living a true life of contentment and happiness.

  2. Allen Bennink on said:

    ESPECIALLY not sweating the small stuff!!! As I learned early on, it is ALL small stuff when you get down to the analysis… (and yes, I have the books in case you are wondering… 😉

    I read the article and did a self grading reality check: fortunately 8 of the 10 are not an issue with me and the other two are minor irritations at best. I am pretty much a ‘steady as she goes’ person: I help where needed or when asked, I try to present a positive attitude at all tasks and endeavors, I lend support to those I work with if their day isn’t going as well as they would hope, and I am ESPECIALLY glad that I am vertical versus the alternative… I enjoy every day as a unique meeting between myself and the world at large.

  3. Prof P.K.Keshap on said:

    Good article. Most of the time, we do not figure out what is wrong with us and go on aspiring for happiness. Habit management is the 1st and last in creating and enjoying happiness.

  4. HotWire on said:

    @Allen Bennink: May be you are right; but self analysis is always a mistake. We think we are doing all what we should or how we perceive ourselves. But the reality comes out when we ask the person who spends time with you, daily. They present a different overview all together.

    @Prof P.K.Keshap : Agreed
    @Kathurima: Yes it is objective. But we can use it in any situation.
    @Debbie: you are so true

  5. Shankar G.K. on said:

    For me happiness can bring more joy to your heart when you compare yourself to people below you rather then above.
    Any day you are depressed , try to look at a person below you. You then realize that you have been given more and also in a much better position then him
    To do justice to self analysis of yourself, you need to be very humble, matured and do a complete introspection of yourself in a fair manner

  6. miguel jimenez on said:

    It is a mental stage it does not matter if you add or subtract , the purpose is how to process the happy feelings from your brains to your heart moreover, look around because you can see the happiness of the universe.