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Murphy’s Laws: The Big List

Murphy Laws

 

Believe it or not, Edward J. Murphy was a real person. He was an optimist. Murphy’s Law (“If anything can go wrong, it will”) was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949 at North Base. It is an experience common to all men.

Murphy’s Laws

  1. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
  2. You will always find something in the last place you look.
  3. No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  4. The other line always moves faster.
  5. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
  6. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
  7. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
  8. If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  9. When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
  10. If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
  11. Never tell the Captain, the Boss or your immediate superior that you have nothing to do.
  12. In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
  13. There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
  14. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  15. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  16. Murphy’s golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
  17. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
  18. A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  19. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  20. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  21. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  22. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  23. No good deed goes unpunished.
  24. Where patience fails, force prevails.
  25. Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
  26. Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
  27. Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
  28. If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
  29. We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.
  30. It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
  31. Power Is Taken… Not Given.
  32. Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
  33. Whatever you did, that’s what you planned.
  34. Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse and it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  35. Poets and Pigs are never appreciated until dead..
  36. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
  37. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
  38. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  39. Thou shall not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.
  40. In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right… something is wrong.
  41. Beauty is only skin deep, Ugly goes to the bones.
  42. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  43. Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
  44. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. The hidden is not hidden for long.
  45. Mother nature is a bitch.
  46. No good deed goes unpunished.
  47. If someone wants to die, give them enough rope to hang themselves.
  48. If it looks good, tastes good, and if it feels good, there has got to be something wrong some where, So be careful.
  49. Every solution breeds new problems.
  50. If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!

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See Also: 33 Fascinating True Life Quotes You Don’t Want to Miss    Peter’s Laws

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